Snake's Top 10 Video Game Crushes(pics included)

Yes, yes, it was only a matter of time before this list came up. Every true nerd has to admit his/her virtual crushes. What can I say, I believe video games are art and, well, these designers know how to make some beautiful worlds with beautiful characters. Not to mention, the stories are so well written at times that you get connected to these characters the same way you would reading a book or watching a movie. By no means am I going to give in and marry a video game or character like that dude in Japan, but I'm not gonna deny that these girls, virtual or not, are pretty damn hot. Please feel free to comment on your favorite, and enjoy.

Snake's Top 10 Video Game Crushes


10. Bayonetta (Bayonetta)
Ok, some of you are already rolling your eyes. The game was cheesy at times, but I really enjoyed playing it and Bayonetta is pretty sexy. I just love how she taunts ANGELS with her body and sexuality. It is naughty and she just puts it out there. Plus, she's got some cool weapons and smooth moves.




9. Lei Fang (Dead or Alive series)
Out of all of the gratuitously rendered hotties in DOA, Lei Fang has to be my choice. The long, dark hair, her high-slit dress, she's kicking your ass in stilettos, it was just all awesome. Also, her fighting style ensured that she would be kicking those exposed legs all over the damn place. Pretty sweet.




8. Samus Aran (Metroid Series)
This almost seems a little cliche' at this point because of Samus' resurgence in popularity, but I really love Metroid series and hence, I've always had a connection with Samus. She may be in the suit most of the time, but let's be real, she kicks some serious ass...and that's pretty hot.



7. Rayne (BloodRayne series)
For those of us who wish we could BE Dante from Devil May Cry, we wanted to MARRY Rayne. In my book she still reigns as the Goth Queen of Video games. Sorry Bayonetta. Also she's a vampire, what's not awesome about that...except Twilight. Fuck you Twilight.


6. Mai Shiranui (Fatal Fury, King of Fighters)
With the explosion of fighting games in the early 90's, alot of gamers tended to overlook SNK in favor of Capcom's Street Fighter and Midway's Mortal Kombat. Those of us rabid fans of fighting games, however, took to SNK and I really think it paid off. An often forgotten character in America, yet one of the most common Cosplay's you will see, Mai is just hot. Everyone was busy watching Chun-Li and her mega-thighs jumping all over the screen, and missed the very scantily clad Mai kicking ten-times more ass in King of Fighters and Fatal Fury. Oh Mai, you can kick my ass any day.



5. Joanna Dark (Perfect Dark Series)
I'm really waiting on a new game to revitalize this series. I love this series and this heroine really deserves a game that does her justice. She's rough and tumble, knows how to work technology, and is the hottest super-agent I've ever seen.



4. Poison (Final Fight)
Now we're going way back and obscure, but can you blame me? Poison would probably be even higher if I had the chance to see her character in action on TODAY'S consoles. Oh well, we still have the memories and the fan art. So what makes her hot? First off, she's got the bad-girl, cop, stripper thing working for her. She's like straight out of a glam metal video. It is ridiculous. Daisy Dukes, high-heels, and a barely hanging on shirt. She really has that "when I'm not having Lesbian sex, I'm using dirty needles and screwing guys for money" look about her. She's the chick you literally have to weigh the options over. "Am I going to catch something?" Well yea, to be honest, probably if she just breathes on you. So if you're a few drinks down, you've probably already made your decision and there is no saving you. You're so bad Poison.




3. Tifa Lockhart (Final Fantasy 7, Crisis Core,)
Tifa is a HUGE fan favorite, and it is easy to see why. She is very feminine, but she's a brawler. She's the perfect "guy's girl". She's the chick that will sit and drink beer and eat nachos while watching football and then throw you out the window when you get too drunk and ruin the game for everyone.



2. Morrigan Aensland (Darkstalkers series)
I'll make this easy. Let's forget about playing her as a character and I'll just tell you what's up. She's a succubus, dominatrix, and can change her clothes into whatever she needs at the time. Maleable wardrobe. Yes. There is nothing wrong with any of that. I just told you that she is going to rape you, and she'll wear whatever you want her to. I need say nothing more.



1. Aya Brea (Parasite Eve series)
Ahh, my first and always video game crush. Aya Brea is just an awesome character. Super-feminine, yet an ex-cop, who is the only one that has the powers to fight the evil that terrorizes New York. If you've played the games, you already know what's going on, and it is hard to explain to those who have never played it, but I'll give it a try. She's 39, but since she developed her powers (the regen specifically) she's trapped looking like she's still in her early 20's (when she got the powers). So basically, you get the best of a cougar in a body that looks like a college freshman. That's pretty awesome. Basically, she's a sad character that you really pity, and you just connect to her. Plus, she's gets hotter and more mature through the games. Just a side note, Parasite Eve: The 3rd Birthday will be arriving in North America in the near future. If you want to see what Aya looks like on the PSP, I suggest you check out the trailer and stills from the game. It looks amazing...and so does Aya




Girls who didn't quite make it

Fran (Final Fantasy 12)

Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

Kaileena (Prince of Persia)

Ivy (Soul Caliber)

Cortana (Halo)

Lightning (Final Fantasy 13)

Terra and Celes (Final Fantasy 6)

Ada Wong (Resident Evil)

Lulu (Final Fantasy 10)

Harley Quinn (Arkham Asylum)

Christie (DOA)

Christie Monteiro (Tekken)

Top 10 Gamers that we HATE! (But sometimes ARE)

I wanted to start the week off with another personal list, as it is less time consuming and I've been very busy since last Wednesday. This list is also inspired by Episode 3 of the Boss Battle Podcast which I follow. On the show, they were talking about MLG and more specifically, the politics surrounding it. They also touched on a few annoyances that the gamers affiliated with MLG tend to provide for those of us who still just enjoy playing the games for the entertainment value. I mean, come on, what serious gamer hasn't gotten online only find their blood pressure rising, their hygiene faltering, and their dependence on alcohol increasing. We can thank those little annoyances for all of this, and today I want to make a list of the Top 10 things that drive us not UP, but THROUGH the goddamned wall. Just keep in mind, we have been this bitch ourselves.

The Top Gamers that we HATE!(But sometimes ARE)

10. The Underaged Gamer

This gamer only makes it in at number 10 because it is so damn obvious. Everyone who reads this should have known it was going to be on here. The Underaged Gamer is so annoying for several reasons. First, their pre-pubecent voice gets on your nerves in the first twenty seconds upon hearing them. Second, they only have two possible personalities. They are SO excited to be online talking to the "big kids" that they really believe we want to go into a private game with them JUST to show them the good hiding spots or map tricks. If not that, they want to be big and bad by talking shit to people who are old enough to be their mom or dad. Well, here's the breakdown. If you want to be our friend: Don't bother. Apparently you have none to begin with, and your mom and dad left the Xbox to babysit you. I'm there to play a game and take an hour out of my day to have no responsibilities. You are becoming a responsibility at that point. I don't want to hold your hand and walk you through your online experience. It is actually starting to pain me, ever so slightly, to be this mean, because it isn't like I go around telling kids that they will never have friends, I just can't be one...sorry. Oh, Lord, and for the kids that want to be badass and talk shit...this is very simple and I don't care about being mean. You don't bother gamers in their 20's and 30's. Do you know why? Because, we have actually been through puberty, high-school, college and now we live in the real world with real jobs, real bosses, and real girlfriends and wives. It is obvious that your parents don't love you because you are online talking shit to random strangers, but get real, we have actually been shit on. We've been screwed over and chewed out so much in the last ten years, we really don't care what you have to say to us. Oh, and if you're really that tough on Halo or COD, I'd like to see you shoot a real rifle. Call me in 10 years when you can actually afford and legally own one.


9. The Weapon Hoarder/Loser

Ok, even though I am literally tired already from writing about the Underaged Gamer, I promise to forge ahead and not get too angry. The Weapon Hoarder is that guy who has to rush and gather every power weapon on the map...because they suck. The only way they feel they can compete (or even get a single kill) is to grab these weapons. The inherent problem is that you essentially screw over your entire team. You have practically prevented any kind of strategy by taking these weapons and immediately handing them over to the enemy because you don't know how to use them. Remember, the reason you wanted these weapons is because you suck. Did you really think the Rocket Launcher and Energy Sword were going to save you from even 2 more experienced players? That's really giving you the benefit of doubt. One good player could probabaly still leave you a crying heap and take those weapons back to his friends, but what if they come with 4? YOU ARE BONED! Just as your remaining teammates jog up to the puddle that used to be your body, they are just in time to catch front row seats to that beautiful display of glowing death and rocket trails. Thanks, Weapon Hoarder...for nothing.


8. Music in the Microphone

I like to listen to music while I'm playing online games. I also have a mute button on my microphone that I use quite frequently. That should just about explain what these people are doing wrong. They are the people that want to talk in the lobby, but have loud (and usually shitty) music playing in the background. If that's not bad enough, there are also gamers who really believe we want to hear them sing or rap along with it. Really, like some record producer is going to be in the lobby with you (just wanting to blow off some steam after a long day) and says to himself, "now that's the sound I've been looking for!". Well then, I believe you forgot what everyone you are playing with sounds like through YOUR speakers. Yea, you sound that digitized and out-of-tune also. It could be the most kick-ass song ever that's playing in the background, but it is going to sound like bad karaoke being played through a cassette player with the batteries dying.


7. Not victorious and not moved at all

This is an interesting breed of gamer because they don't have to necessarily be a dick. It is undeniable, though, how annoying they can be. These people just get to you SO bad. What do you have to do to get them to realize that they aren't God's gift to gaming? Here's an example. I was recently playing Halo and I found myself in a match pitted against 4 members of a well known clan. My team decided to ditch on me and I was left with one teammate who racked up an impressive...4 kills. The match ended with just seconds left on the clock with a final score of 50 to 37. My team had just won. That's right, I ran 46 kills to their entire team's 37. Upon returning to the lobby, I was immediately invited by the "leader" of this paticular team (apparently he was the officer that was taking these newer recruits out for "practice") to join the clan under his unit...or plattoon...or whatever the hell they break down as. Well, I thought that maybe it was finally time to join up with some sort of clan and take my gaming to the next level...wait a damn minute, I have to be under you? I beat the hell out of your entire team, you included, by myself! Wait, what? You have to read me the rules and I have to repeat the oath? You are already scheduling practice for me? DUDE I JUST KICKED YOUR ASS! Shouldn't you be asking ME to take your team out and train them, cause you're doing a shitty job. Ok, now that I'm finished with that story, you hopefully get the idea. These are the people that will talk you down while your patiently (and silently) waiting on the map to load, and then have nothing to say (or a lame excuse) when you go killing machine on them during the game. No reaction period, because God forbid they run into one person who usurps their authority. You just can't always be the big dog in the party. Sorry dude.


6. Team Ditchers

Pretty self-explanatory. These are the guys who either ditch the game because they are losing, or they enter the game and don't do anything. They just stand there where they spawn and wait for the enemy to find them. Did they go make a sandwich or something? Either way this is annoying because of the subsequent screen re-load and inevitable ditching of other players whose patience had worn thin.


5. The Glitch Whore

Well, sometimes you just can't avoid it: There will be glitches in games and the gamers that REALLY love that game WILL FIND THEM. Now, I have to admit that the super-bounces from Halo 2 were pretty entertaining. Still, it just isn't fun when you can get completely screwed over based on a FLAW in the game. Let's keep that in mind: the game is flawed. The biggest argument in support of using glitches is because it is part of the game and the better gamer will know how to use it to his/her advantage. Well, let me get away from shooters for a second and use another example. Let's pretend you are at the arcade and really want to play Marvel v. Capcom 2. You like this game and are pretty good at it. So you waltz up and stick your money in to play this goofy looking bastard that doesn't look like he knows what he's doing. He's using Gambit as his primary character and you think, "wow what a shitty team, this oughtta be fun". Then in the first 10 seconds of the game he has inflicted superior damage on you, so he decides to flee the battlefield while he has the advantage...literally, he flies off the screen. See, there's a nifty little trick where you can fly Gambit off the screen and let the timer run out to secure an easy victory. Now that's pretty damn cheap, but, without gonig into too much detail, there's several "infinite" combos stuck in MvC2 also. Games will always have flaws, and gamers will exploit them.


4. The Spawn Stalker

Everyone hates the spawn killer. These are the guys that camp out at spawn points to snag easy kills. They literally have you dead before your screen even comes back up. But, there are several ways to do it. Let's look at the three most annoying.
Name: The Crouch Stalker
Most Notorious in: Call of Duty series
M.O.: The Crouch stalker likes to hide in a corner usually behind and just out of sight of spawning enemies. He then proceeds to take a (usually silenced) sub-machine gun or handgun and fill all returning players full of brand-new holes to replace the old ones.

Name: The Spawn Sniper
Most Notorious in: Halo and Call of Duty
M.O.: The Spawn Sniper waits from a secure perch with plenty of cover. He/She then stays scoped in on a certain spawn point while his/her teammates try to keep fresh enemies spawning there. Carnage ensues.

Name: The Spawn Trapper
Most Notorious in: Goldeneye
M.O. The Spawn Trapper's favorite method of douche-baggery consists of using C4, Claymores, or any other type of planted anti-personel explosive device to trap the freshly spawned enemies in that designated area. The only options are to designate someone to effectively set off the traps, allowing the teammates to escape, or wait to be cut down by one of the spawn killers listed above. Good luck, fucker.


3. Excessive Cussing and Racial Slurs

This is easily the most annoying thing about 1. having a microphone and 2. having to deal with people online. Some people use the microphone for the right reasons. They communicate well and work well with teammates or they are friendly and give and recieve advice in the lobby. Then there are those who insist the microphone was included with the Xbox for the sole purpose of flooding stranger's living rooms with the most vile profanity and bigotry. Seriously, I don't want to turn down my speakers because you can't shut up for two minutes about infected vaginas and how much you hate the Mexicans next door or whatever the hell your problem is. They are probably from a Central American country that you couldn't find on a map anyway. If you insist on using profanity, please be creative and humorous with it. That's hilarious. But, if you just sound like someone with a 15 word vocabulary, I highly doubt anyone wants to hear you repeat that same shit over and over and over...


2. The Screen Watcher

Yes, the most obviously annoying asshole-gamer behavior. Oddly enough, it is the most instantly gratifying, as you are allowed to give them the finger right there on the spot instead of the internet gamers that will go on unknowing about your intense, psychotic rage toward them. Seriously though, this is the great-grandaddy of all things that piss off gamers. Yep, I would trace my own hatred for this...probably back to the "strategic weapon choices" of Super Mario Kart. Ahh, the memories. Let's just reminisce about our favorite times we've gotten owned and jumped on the chance to call someone a "screen watching whore".


1. The Red Turtle Sheller

While I'm mentioning Mario Kart, I have decided to name the number one Most Annoying Gamer we HATE in honor of the series. Keep in mind, though, that this gamer can be found EVERYWHERE. This is the gamer that is not as skilled or experienced as you, but they catch every break, spawn with the best weapons, and just find themselves at the right place in the right time. Basically, they have all the luck, and YOU JUST CAN'T BEAT THEM. It doesn't matter what type of game it is. Whether you are trying to out-shoot, out-drive, or out-fight this gamer, they just Inspector Gadget their way to victory and it pisses you off to no end. It may be that perfect spawn spot, that right Tetris piece, that across-the-map knife or grenade throw, or even the infamous Red Turtle Shell right before the finish line, this person WILL get it, and they WILL beat you.

Well that's it and I hope you enjoyed another laid-back personal list. I must admit though, I got a little mad just writing about these gamers. Look for a few more lists later in the week, including Snake's Top 10 Video Game Crushes, and make sure to check out Boss Battle Podcast with Dave and Mike.

Top 10 Most Influential Games...On Me!

While I am still compiling my lists for Halo which will be out later this week, I decided to do a personal list to pass the time. These are the games that really made an impact on me as a gamer. In one way or another, these are the MOST important games I have played, because they made me what I'm interested in today. These are the games that really satisfied my inner fantasies and continue to let me get away from it all today. You know that feeling as a gamer. Whether you just love to destress by shooting the hell out of everything in a sandbox game like GTA, or you love to play DOA because pixelated boobies are your thing, IT DOESN'T MATTER: These games let you escape from the mundane hours spent interacting with boring, albeit real, people and enter a world where it is actually legal to own a Rocket Launcher, and where your drunk and outta-shape ass is physically capable of swinging a 9ft sword. Please enjoy and look for Halo articles in the next few days.

The Top 10 Most Influential Games...On Me

10. Pitfall! (1982, Atari 2600, Activision)
Pitfall! makes the number 10 spot on my list mainly because this is the first video game that I really identified with. It seems so simple now, but at the time this game just stood out more than Frogger, Centipede, or Space Invaders. Pitfall! just happened to be that game that I would shit my pants over the chance to play. But, time rolls on and this game was already obsolete by the time I got a chance to play it. Pretty soon I found myself introduced to the new Nintendo Entertainment System and that old Atari 2600 eventually lost the will to live and had to go. This is a real shame because I own all of my original systems except for the old Atari.

9. Mortal Kombat/Street Fighter 2 (MK: 1992,Arcade,Midway)(SF2: 1991,Arcade,Capcom)
Despite the vast differences between these two games, they share one very important thing in common when it comes to my video game past: They drew me to the arcade for the first time. I remember reading in my GamePro about both of these games, and being blown away by what seemed like the sudden invasion of "Fighting Games". While I really don't play that many fighting games anymore, (MVC2, Soul Caliber, and DOA is really all I do anymore) I can't deny what these games did for me in the 90's. I was really stuck on these games and they became a staple for my childhood best friend and I to constantly challenge each other with. Aside from that, these were games that broke the age and skill barrier down. I would be in the arcade and have someone 5 years older and more experienced next to me, and I am playing directly against HIS skill. It really brought walls down for me as a gamer and opened my eyes to what it took to be a GOOD gamer, because there were obviously other people putting in the effort.

8. Parasite Eve (1998, Playstation, SquareSoft)
I have a pretty good idea of why I latched onto this game too hard, but it really does baffle me at times. I mean, it is a damn good game, but it really tends to fall into that "forgotten" catagory along with alot of other very decent games that just didn't catch on but have a rabid cult following. Well, I guess this game had me drinking the Kool Aid because I'm still talking about it. This game is best described as a "Survival-Horror RPG". Yea, for those of you who have never played it, let that sink in for a second. Sure, its been done since, but this was 1998 and the genre "survival horror" had JUST been truly invented. Enough of my babbling though, let's run through the facts of why this game means so much to me.
1) It is based on the 1995 novel by Hideaki Sena, which CAN be found in english and SHOULD be read.
2) The two main characters are just too cool to hate. Aya Brea immediately became my first video game crush.(Oh Aya, I'll find you...one day)
3) This was the first RPG that I ever played that WASN'T a Final Fantasy.
Other than that, I just really can't explain it. This game has always stuck with me and it will always remind me of really growing into "mature" games.
It was scary, challenging, and interesting.

7. Resident Evil (1996, Playstation, Capcom)
I remember the first time I ever saw this game. It was Halloween and I was just too old to go trick-or-treating and just too young to do anything else. So I stayed over at a friend's house to watch some horror movies and relax. Buuuttttt, he had something better. He had Resident Evil! So we cut all the lights and went down to his video game room that had one poorly-lit window. This is how Resident Evil should always be played. I know that the original has been overshadowed by it's successors, but there's this nostalgic edge that really just makes the first one scary when the other one's just aren't. This game set the stage for my love of future series such as Silent Hill and Fatal Frame. I still pull these games out and play them even today.

6. Halo 2 (2004, Xbox, Bungie)
Halo is like a fucking drug. Seriously, I crave it, and then once I get a taste I immediately realize that it is the bane of my existence. I actually like the first Halo game better, but I have to admit that this is the one that belongs on this list. Forget the shitty ending, this game was visually awesome, made for countless nights of entertainment with friends, had a fun campaign mode, and introduced me to online gaming. I can't think of a reason why it wouldn't be on a personal list of influential games. As a die-hard Sony fan, it took this game to make me realize I had to invest in an Xbox and eventually a 360 if I wanted to finish the story. What can I say...I got pulled in.

5. Super Metroid (1994, SNES, NRD)
Super Metroid was the first really expansive game that I remember sweating to beat. It was intense and mind-blowing. Just trying to find your way through this maze of a game was enough to sky-rocket your blood pressure, but then you had to contend with stumbling into boss battles from which there was no escape. Those monsters didn't fuck around either. You were there and you were lunch as far as they were concerned. I just remember the sense of accomplishment that I felt when I finally beat this game, and it meant alot to me. It gave me confidence to tackle games that I may have given up on too early. Super Metroid really made me respect what it took to forge ahead and finish what you started.

4. Castlevania (1987, NES, Konami)
Once again, this is not my favorite game in the series, but it is the game that really made an impact on me in several different ways. Up until Castlevania I had only really played common titles. Mario and Megaman took up most of my video game time. Now, I have always been a nerd and probably always will be since I'm really too old to turn back now, so believe me when I tell you that I actually (even at the age of 8) had legitimate reasons why I didn't want to waste my time on a game called Castlevania. I thought the name was stupid because it was supposed to be Transylvania. OK, I guess it isn't really that unbelievable. Regardless of that, my birthday is just days before Halloween, so I have always been facinated with monsters and dark, creepy imagery. I always thought the decorations and candy were celebrating me hahah...ok just kidding about that, but seriously I was always surrounded by it during my birthday so it was always a really exciting time of year for me. So when I found out that Castlevania was all about those monsters that I already knew and loved, of course I wanted to go slay them!!! Me vs. Dracula, Hell YEAH! What wasn't to like about that. So anyway, I played this game and even though I couldn't beat the original until I was about 16, it was still awesome enough to leave an impression on my small, twisted little mind that can still be seen in the games, books, and movies I love, as well as the personal novels and short stories I love to write.

3. Final Fantasy 7/Final Fantasy 12 (FF7: 1997, Playstation, Squaresoft)
(FF12: 2006, PS2, Square Enix)
These two games being side-by-side probably raises alot of questions. Well, please allow me to explain. Remember back in the day when you went to the video store and you could rent that one little game and keep it for 3 or 4 days? Well, Final Fantasy 1, 2, and 3( 1, 4, and 6 technically) came out during that time for me. That means I didn't even make a dent in those games for the short amount of time I had them. Final Fantasy 7 was the first in the series that I actually owned and completed. Yes it is a very good game and I will have volumes to speak on during Final Fantasy week, but I'm not here to tell you stuff you already know right now. After I finished FF7, the market was innundated with great games that I moved on to and I never gave a second thought to the series as a whole. Therefore, I never played FF8 or FF9. Then, after the release of the PS2 I had become a completely different gamer and I opted not to play FF10. I had officially dropped the series and really didn't care for it outside of the hype that I would catch wind of. That changed when my then and current girlfriend brought Final Fantasy 12 to my attention. I told her that I really hadn't played the series since 7 and she immediately contorted into one of those crazy anime faces you see when a girl goes crazy on a guy. Being told that I must play Final Fantasy 10, as it was one of the best in the series, I concluded that she could kiss my ass because I was going to play FF12 first because it was the most recent. And you know what? I liked it. It was a good play and I thought it was a good story. So, then I relented and played FF10. And you know what? I REALLY liked it. It was even better, so I had to know what I was missing out on. I now own every Final Fantasy in the original series and other spin-offs, sequels, etc. I technically owe it to these two games for making me a Final Fantasy nerd now. It is one of my favorite series and encouraged me to give alot of RPG's a try.

2. Megaman 3/Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Yes, it is another joint spot on the list. These two games are much like the Mortal Kombat/Street Fighter 2 spot because they represent the same thing more than the actual game themselves being the reason they are on here. Megaman is, without debate, my favorite classic series. I have also stated before that Megaman 3 in paticular is my favorite of the series, so of course I spent a many a day playing this game as a kid. It also represents those nostalgic times where I was just so excited to play a game with a friend. My childhood friend introduced me to Megaman series, and while he owned 1 and 2, I was the first one to own MM3. It was exciting that it was my first Megaman game and that it was a brand new one that he didn't have yet. Well, also we came to the conclusion that this would be a trend. We would strategically plan our Christmas wish lists so that we maximized our gaming potential. I got the SNES, he got the Genesis, and so on. This is where Sonic the Hedgehog 2 comes in. I remember having my copy of Gamepro with a complete walkthrough (including secrets) of StH2 and bringing it over to my friends house so we could beat the game when it was brand-new. We were so close to beating it and it was becoming intense. We had to beg our parents to let me spend the night so we could finally conquer the game(we did by the way). This is what these games represent to me, that comraderie and teamwork that friendly gamers can share. We've gotten so bogged down by hiding behind gamer tags that rarely anyone knows how to actually enjoy the game anymore because we're too busy talking shit to people we'll never meet. Whether or not they are bangin a hotter girl or have a better job...NONE OF THAT MATTERS. If you actually give a shit about that then you are pathetic. What happened to just staying up that extra hour to beat the last boss while your friend cheered you on? These are two games that I can still pop in the NES or the Genesis and that same childhood friend I've known for almost all 27 years of life will come over and play. Only now we have to make it a drinking game.

1. Metal Gear Solid (1998, Playstation, Konami)
Along with Parasite Eve this game was released just a year after Final Fantasy 7 and is one of the main reasons I didn't rediscover the series until 2006. This game just kicks soooo much ass. The story is not only amazing on it's own, but if you were familiar with the original Metal Gear games, it was just that much more awesome. It really changed me as a gamer. I felt that I had finally found a genre that was truly mine and no one else's. It just spoke to me and continues to this very day. I have beaten the entire series numerous times, but I don't think anything can reproduce that feeling that I got from beating ANY of these games for the FIRST time. I owe it all to the first in the "Solid" series. While the rest of the Nintendo world was pissing themselves over Ocarina of Time, I was drooling for hours watching Solid Snake be a badass. It just drove me mad needing to know what would happen next and as soon as the game was done, we get the famous Hideo Kojima tease letting us know that the story was far from over. This became my favorite "modern" series and Hideo Kojima immediately became my favorite director. There's really nothing else I can say other than, this is the most influential game for me.

GAMES THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT!!!! (But almost did)

Megaman X (SNES)
Everyone knows that I love classic Megaman series, but I am also a huge fan of the X series. This game though, holds a very nostalgic (and kinda sappy) place in my heart. I didn't even know this game existed when it came out in 1994. I was between the 4th and 5th grade and had a pretty rough year having recovered from two serious illnesses. My dad decided to take me to Toys R Us on a whim while out running errands and let me choose any game that I wanted. That's when I saw Megaman X for the first time. I was a little confused at the title because I knew it couldn't mean 10, but the manual and game would explain that soon enough. I took that game home that day and I still cherish my original copy. It turned out to be (as far as I am concerned) deserving in the top 3 BEST Megaman games of all time. It really is a good game all around and it reminds me of more innocent times. Thanks, Dad.

Super Mario World (SNES)
This game was great because of the endless secrets and alternate paths offered. I really spent alot of time on this game and eventually got 100%.

Oregon Trail (Floppy Disk Bitch!)
The only thing interesting about elementary school computer class. Even with the limited time of the class period, I ended up beating this game. I remember everyone huddling around the screen to watch as I floated down that last stretch of river. It was intense because no one had made it that far.

The Legend of Zelda (NES)
I always loved this game and played it constantly, but it was damn near impossible without dumb-luck or Nintendo Power.

Tomb Raider
This game really satisfied my love of history and mystery. Lara's boobs didn't really do anything for me though...sorry Lara. I did, however, go on to own the whole series and I really do love them, they just didn't have the luxuries other games got. I wasn't very familiar with the first two when they came out, therefore they were very frustrating. They also came out during that time when Playstation was faily new and yet SNES was still kicking. Thirdly, when Playstation took off, there were so many good games that I felt like I rushed through them and never took advantage of all they had to offer. So Tomb Raider may have tried to make the relationship work, I just didn't give back enough.

Punch-Out
Come on, its fucking Punch-Out. Do I really have to say anything? Oh, yea I do actually. Apparently there are people out there who believe it is impossible to beat Mike Tyson. Let me just inform you that means you suck and have no reaction time. I beat him for the first time when I was 16. I actually drove to my friend's (mentioned above) work to tell him that I had just knocked out Mike Tyson finally. I can still do it on command and unless someone can prove me wrong, if you dodge every punch and land your own on every opportunity, you will get a flawless second round KO after 4 knockdowns(total). I have never tried to time myself, I just know that's how fast I could beat him in my prime.

Well, that will complete this post, I hope you enjoyed and look foward to Halo lists that will hopefully be up very soon.

Megaman 1-10...In order of awesomeness

This is another very opinionated list, but I think most people can generally agree where certain Megaman games should fall in order of popularity and playability. This list will close out Original Megaman Series week. Next week will be entirely devoted to..(drumroll)Halo!!! So here's the list and have a great weekend.

Megaman 1-10...in order of awesomeness

10. Megaman 8
I really don't care for this game, but I know a few hardcore Megaman players that really love it. I don't think its a horrible game by any means, it just isn't like any of the other. Sure, MM7 is an oddball also because it is the only title on the SNES in the original series, but 7 is a really great game that retained all of the elements that make the 8-bit titles amazing. While the color is vivid and voice acting is added, the game is largely fogettable to me. Sword Man and Tengu Man are pretty awesome, but all in all it fails in my book.

9. Megaman 9
This one is hard to explain. There was alot of hype surrounding this game and I counted down the weeks waiting on the release. Even though it was very reminicent of Megaman 1, it just lacked a certain aire that surrounds a good Megaman game. MM1 was VERY challenging game just being what it was. It seems like they were trying too much to make MM9 difficult. It seems really forced in certain areas, as if it was set up as a game just for trophies acheivements. I completely lost that excitement and played through this game like I was at a dentist appointment.

8. Megaman 10
Yes, I know, the two newest games are back-to-back. The same applies (sort of) to this game as MM9. It just didn't do it for me really, it only did it slightly better than 9. The challenges are a fun addition, but I play for the game itself. That being the criteria, I can't put this game any higher on the list. The characters were better and the gameplay suited the old school MM player, but the weapons were crappy and I really had no enjoyment playing through more than once.

7. Megaman 6
This pains me. I really like playing 6, but let's be honest, it is not anywhere near the best in the series. All of the classic elements we have come to accept as "Megaman" are here. Megabuster, the slide, and rush...wait, well that's different! Ok the adapters: you either love them of hate them. The characters are kinda cheesy by this point, but hey, Megaman bosses have always been cooky and sometimes laughable. Maybe because this game came out as the NES was yielding to the SNES, but it just never really stayed in the hearts of many MM players. I, for one, find myself playing this and MM3 the most. It holds a special place in my childhood memories, but only the number 7 place on this list.

6. Megaman 5
This might come as a shock, because MM5 is a huge fan favorite. All of the elements that were tested in MMs 1-4 culminated in the extremely fluid gameplay of MM5. It also took chances and experimented vivid backgrounds, sharp colors, and a storyline revolving around the mysterious Proto Man(which excited many long-time fans of the series). MM5, to me, is a changing point in the series as a whole. This game changed the whole mood, and created the elements I believe led to the "X" series. The characters are cool, but nothing incredible. The weapons are good, but nothing incredible either. It is very hard to explain, but this game just doesn't quite have the same dark atmosphere that the previous games brought. The situation never felt dire, I was never really caught off guard by anything, and overall, the game just slides by without gripping you.

5. Megaman
The fact alone that the original is just TOO important to gaming is reason enough that it should be in the top 5, but many people don't consider it a great game because it was "testing" period. It really wasn't perfect and seeing what Megaman is now, it is even more frustrating to play, but it is still a classic game that started a great franchise.

4. Megaman 4
About that changing period I was talking about? Well, this is the game that feel was the evolution period. Just look at MM3 and MM5 and they are worlds apart. MM4 really tried to hold on to the dark atmosphere and serious tone of MM3, but it took chances by adding new elements. We got the Mega Buster and two items that were reminicent of Megaman 2's items: The Balloon and, the more famous, Wire Claw. Also the storyline was risky due to the fact that a new villain was presented. Had we really seen the last of Wily? This game is just superior to MM5. The enemies were very, cool (well most of them, Dust Man is kind of lame and Toad man is just...well there really aren't words to describe it) and the game play is solid, though not as tight as MM3 or 5. Basically, this game transitioned what Megaman had been, and where it was headed.

3. Megaman 7
The Darkhorse Candidate! I really love this game. With the move to the SNES, this game could have epically failed...but it DIDN'T! This game felt like a Megaman from the first time we layed eyes on 16-bit Megaman, Wily, Roll, and Rush. While the gameplay felt sluggish compared to the older counterparts, I loved the generous amount of secrets that made for great replay value and one of the best casts(if I do say so myself). The Robot Masters were generally all cool and well designed. There really was no one I hated. Also, as far as challenge, this game was very difficult to beat(mainly due to the final boss fight). The music didn't dissapoint, either. This all adds up to a quality Megaman game, even if it wasn't as nostalgic.

2. Megaman 2
I know this is THE game that everyone thinks about when you talk about classic Megaman, but, come on, it does have flaws people. Yes the music is outstanding and the cast is awesome, but it just didn't have the elements that we associate with Megaman as a series. Energy tanks were scarce, Rush was missing, and the slide is really something we can't do without now. This is game is great, really REALLY great, but it really isn't the best of the series to me.

1. Megaman 3
This is the king of classic Megaman, hands down. Argue all you want, but if you are a real Megaman fan, you have to admit several facts. 1)The gameplay never got smoother than it was right here. 2)The music in MM3 is every bit as good as MM2. Hell, the intro theme in MM3 is enough to make you cry, and Wily stage 2 and 3 music pumps you up just as much as Wily stage 1 in MM2(which is largely considered the best song in the series. I really can't disagree. To each their own though.) This game had the best cast of Robot Masters and the castle bosses are unique and really trippy at times. Plus, we get to fight over the bosses from MM2! The game is pretty long and gives your bang for buck. It isn't overly challenging but is genuinely fun.

So that wraps up Megaman week. See you on monday, where I will kick off Halo week with "The Top 10 hardest levels(on legendary) in Halo series."

Top 10 Coolest Robot Masters

First off, this list is incredibly opinionated, mainly because there is no real criteria to determine what is "cool". If some of you out there think Toad Man is the shit, then more power to you. Just don't expect to find him on MY list. So i guess this is just for fun and allows any Megaman fans start thinking of how they would rank their favorites. Keep in mind that I'm basing my criteria off of the character's design, both visually and ability. This list may not contain the "hardest" bosses, but these are the characters I feel look bad-ass, have cool weapons, and can put up a fight. Alright, no more blabbing heres the list

The Top 10 Coolest Robot Masters(in my mind, at least)

10. Knight Man (Megaman 6)
This spot was really a tie between Knight Man and Sword Man from MM8, but I just had to give it to Knight Man because his stage is cool, his design is cool and even if he is easy as hell to beat, he's just cool in my book. This is a number 10 spot that could have gone to any of the characters that will be honorable mentions at the end of the list.

9. Splash Woman (Megaman 9)
I think a majority of Megaman players were a little worried when it was revealed that Megaman 9 was going to include the first female Robot Master to appear in the series. Not because Megaman players are sexist, but because the MM series has been notorious for over the top cliched characters. Some of them are just ridiculous. LOOK WHAT THEY DID WITH THOMAHAWK MAN AND YAMATO MAN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. So you girls can't sit there and tell me you weren't just as worried that the first female Robot Master was going to come out in a pink fucking tutu. Well, while still a little cliche', we got Splash Woman. A mermaid...ok it really is still girly, but what did you expect. MM has a long tradition of making people roll their eyes so why change that in the reincarnation of the 8-bit series? Well she's actually designed pretty cool and her weapon is fucking sweet. She puts up a good bit of challenge, but, really who didn't in MM9? All in all, she's a cool character.

8. Fire Man (Megaman)
You could tell this guy was gonna be a pain in your ass the first time you saw him. Double Fire Cannons and a torch on his head! Yea, he's got the looks. But, on top of that, he turned out being that pain in ass, afterall. Suprise, Suprise. So when you get to Fire Man you better pray you have all of your energy because this is a knockdown, dragout, last man standing fight. No skill here folks. Equip Ice Man's weapon (which is kinda funny when you think about it...{sigh} lets see, well I guess as the Ice comes in, he melts it and it turns to water which is still coming at him and puts him out...I don't know, why did I think about it?) and start blasting away, trading blows until one of you is dead. That's an adrenline rush, every time. Thanks, Fire Man!

7. Tengu Man (Megaman 8)
Look, I'm not gonna lie, I don't like MM8 very much and if it wasn't for the superior graphics, I don't know what this character would have looked like. What I do know is he looks pretty damn awesome with the PSone graphics. That alone doesn't earn a spot on this list, however, because I feel that the 8-bit characters pretty much kick-ass and still look awesome. Tengu Man is also a douche bag, which DOES earn him a spot on this list. He's cocky, belligerent, and challenging.

6. Napalm Man (Megaman 5)
The name alone says (in an Ivan Drago voice), "You will lose". But he's freaking armed to the teeth, heavily armored, and has tank treads...there is nothing uncool about that. I'm sure many will agree that we wish we had gotten to see a little more potential out of that arsenal and his weapon you acquire is mediocre, but he was still the coolest character out of MM5. (even though I like Gyro Man personally...he had the military thing goin too)

5. Quick Man (Megaman 2)
Megaman 2 is just such an awesome game and the characters were a big jumping point from MM1, but Quick Man is the only one who really stood out for me. I thought Crash Man was awesome when I was younger, but as I grew up I came to realize that they should've done so much more with him. Quick Man, though, is still a challenge for me now. That really says alot. Even though I thought they made him a little too bulky (being Quick and all, ya know), he's still extremely fast and can make short work of you. Plus, the boomerangs are awesome. You, know the more I think about it, he kinda looks like they designed him after the Flash...Quick Man...The Flash...Quick Man is in a game with a guy called FLASH MAN!!!What are they trying to tell us! The Davinci Code is in Megaman 2!!!! OW OW OW my head hurts.

4. Snake Man
I'm sorry for that last outburst. Not to worry, though, I just took two advil and another Vodka shot and its back to work! Woo Hoo! Snake Man! Of course I'm going to like this guy. I go by "Snake", he goes by "Snake", we're practically brothers. Except he's totally badass and I'm hiding in the Internet. Everything about Snake man is awesome though. His little smirk on the Boss selection screen says, "oh yea, baby, eat that forbidden fruit". He's also very durable and it takes quite a beating to defeat him. Not to mention his music is one of the best of the series.

3. Slash Man (Megaman 7)
Wolverine only had a metal skeleton...this guy is Wolverine with a metal BODY. And he shakes down lava onto you. Enough said.

2. Pharoah Man (Megaman 4)
Quite possibly my favorite character in the entire series. Pharoah Man looks awesome, fights awesome, has the best weapon in the game, and has a cool stage and music. End of story. He's wicked.

1. Shadow Man (Megaman 3)
Now please let me state first that in the eternal struggle between pirates and ninjas...I am a pirate. BUT, out of respect for my nemeses, I must admit that Shadow Man is probably the coolest character in the original series. He's a damn ninja. He's fast as shit, suprise attacks you out of nowhere, and throws giant shurikens. That's...just...awesome. Oh wait, Top Spin takes him out, HAHAHA, hoist the flag mateys, all we have to do is blow a little wind on them. Har Har Har...

Weapons that didn't make the cut

This is just a short list of some very popular weapons that didn't make my countdown of the Top 10 Most Useful Weapons from the Megaman Series. They are all good in one way or another, they just happen to be overshadowed by better ones.

Weapons that Didn't Make the Cut

Silver Thomahawk (Megaman 6)
This weapon is powerful but unwieldy. It really takes some practice and a natural degree of play control that you only see in experienced Megaman players. The rising effect of the weapon makes it hard to judge in certain situations and if you miss with a risky and precise move, the outcome is usually not pretty. I do find myself using this weapon alot, however it just can't be compared with weapons as thoroughly dominate as Shadow or Metal Blade Those are the true fire and forget weapons.

Search Snake (Megaman 3)
Most people wrote this weapon off as completely weak and useless. It really only takes a good bit of experimentation to find out that this little weapon can really help you "slither" out of some bad situations(haha hehe oh ho, yea just keep shaking your head and let me entertain myself). This weapon just isn't as useful as Shadow Blade or Needle Cannon from MM3.

Star Crash and Skull Barrier (Megaman 5 and Megaman 4)
I touched on it in decent detail during the countdown so I won't reiterate too much, but I really just wanted to say that these weapons are extremely helpful and fun to use. They really deserve to be on a countdown for Cool Weapons, but they just didn't quite make it on the Useful countdown.

Slash Claw (Megaman 7)
Alright I'm sure that someone is going to call me out on the fact that no weapons from Megaman 7 or 8 made the most Useful Weapons countdown. Well, mainly is because of the design of these two games. They are the oddballs in the 1-10 list because they are not 8-bit and therefore play differently. There are some awesome weapons in these games and MM7 is one of my favorites in the series. Slash Claw is one of those weapons that is fast and deadly, and despite being close range, it makes an otherwise sluggish Mega Man(thanks to the gameplay) seem like a Ninja. This weapon is just a blast to use but I couldn't in good conscience put it on the countdown for two reasons. It is highly debateable as to which weapon in Megaman 7 is the most useful aaaannndddd It is highly debateable whether or not ANY weapon in Megaman 7 has the same degree of utility as any of the weapons from the countdown.

Top 10 Most Useful Weapons

I think the one of the unique and coolest features that Megaman brought to the gaming world when it hit the scene was the ability to exploit bosses weaknesses by stealing their own weapons and using them against Wily's creations. While many players prefer to stick with the Mega Buster as much as possible, the truly creative gamer will discover many tricks by experimenting with the powers you aquire throughout the game. Some of these weapons are really only useful against one or two bosses (ie: Top Spin), but others are ridiculously overpowered and really dominate the game. Here, are ten of those weapons who made Megaman's life a little easier.

Top 10 Most Useful Weapons

10. Needle Cannon (Megaman 3)
Needle Cannon only makes it to the number ten spot becaused its really just a short term machine gun version of your Mega Buster. Its not much more powerful, it only shoots straight, but it still comes in handy when you need to put out alot of firepower quickly. It also doesn't waste energy very fast so it rarely ever runs out.
Most Notable Use: Break Man, Megaman Clones

9. Fire Wave/Solar Blaze (Megaman 1/Megaman 10
These two make the list here because of their limited use in their respective games. But, they are only limited by the strategy presented to you as the gamer. At the time of Megaman 1, the idea of the weapons being used to get out of sticky situations probably wasn't thought of too much. The weapons were mainly designed for being weaknesses for the Robot Masters. Megaman 10 is a throwback to the strategy days of MM1. Having said all of that, let me explain these two powers. First off, they remind me alot of each other in that they are powerful fire weapons. But, they both serve the same purpose in their respected games. They put a hurting on the enemy, but also temporarily protect you. While Fire Wave actually has a short lived shield surround you, Solar Blaze fires out in both directions to clear enemies from surrounding you. For these reasons, they are only as necessary as you choose need them, but I guarentee that they will save your life on numerous occasions.
Most Notable Use: Other than as a boss weakness, really only enemies are closing in and you need a breather.

8. Flash Stopper (Megaman 4)
These are some of the more unique weapons that pop up from game to game. Flash Man's Time Stopper was a one-use weapon (unless you pause-switch) but it found itself useful nonetheless. Centaur Flash from MM6 was just too underpowered and wasted incredibly fast. It didn't really stop time and usually took multiple uses to kill even minor enemies. Gravity Hold is another weapon that falls into the "Flash catagory" and it truly was useful in MM5, however, Bright Man's Flash Stopper is just the best suited to it's own game which makes it the most useful. The first improvement was multiple use with a decent window of frozen time. But, everyone can agree that the great improvment over Time Stopper, was Flash Stopper's gift that allowed you to still fire your Mega Buster while time is stopped. This made those complicated and precision jump areas that Megaman games are notorious for, far easier.
Most Notable Use: Pharoah Man, Any precision jump area swarmed with enemies.

7. Jewel Satellite (Megaman 9)
I'm probably going to get some disagreements with this one. Not only WHERE it falls on the countdown, but WHY it even appears here. Well, lets really look at it. Of all the "shield weapons", many have one main drawback. Leaf Shield will fire in any direction and is large and powerful, but you can't move anywhere without firing it away. Star Crash solves that problem and allows you to move and release it at your own command, but it is severly underpowered. Don't even let me get started on that piece of shit Plant Barrier which allows no firing and kills Thomahawk man who is otherwise a tough character. I must say that the Native American side of my family cringes at the thought that this character is killed by a shield of fucking flowers. I don't feel like going into any detail about Junk Man's shield. Its definitely not bad, but its just not spectacular for the game. So we are left with the only two shields that are worth a damn. Skull Barrier and Jewel Satellite. I love Skull Barrier, but as far as use for the game it comes down to this. I actually use Jewel Satellite to save my ass, I really don't NEED Skull Barrier in MM4 that often. So that is why one of these weapons deserved to be here and its really a preference. I just have to say that MM9 was a harder game than MM4, therefore Jewel Satellite made the cut as a Useful Weapon.
Most Notable Use: anywhere you need respite from the onslaught of enemies

6. Crystal Eye (Megaman 5)
While this weapon seems pretty useless at first glance, we should take a closer look. This weapon has decent power and by allowing to split off into the smaller pieces, you may start to realize its uncanny ability to just find targets by dumb luck. Seriously, its what Gemini Laser (just a cool ass weapon) should have been. The crystals will find targets on the screen and it makes for some pretty entertaining and creative parts in the game where you really feel like a badass. One Crystal Eye can drop 4 enemies on the screen and that's just cool.
Most Notable Use: any tight spot filled with multiple enemies

5. Gyro Blade (Megaman 5)
Ok, another one from MM5. While some people think that this weapon is underpowered, its versatility far exceeds that drawback. How can you hate this weapon? It is only limited by your gamining ability. Precision and strategy are key to making this weapon go anywhere on screen you want it. Enemies literally cannot run from this weapon. So sure, maybe it takes 2 or three hits, but it will be two or three hits that will be on the enemy before you are even in range of their counter-attack. Its the Megaman version of a "smart" bomb.
Most Notable Use: Wily's Castle...its a life-saver

4. Pharoah Shot (Megaman 4)
I think this was just about everyone's favorite weapon from MM4. Its just fun to use. Its fast, its powerful, and you can even charge it up like a Mega Buster. But wait, there's something else it can do. While charged up, the ball of fire/energy hovers above you and can be used to protect you from enemies above. Now that's kick-ass. Plus, most experienced players are familiar with the charge glich (hehehe). This is where you can charge up the Pharoah Shot and, even if you are hit by an enemy, continue to hold onto the charge button so that little ball of energy will continue to kill enemies even though it has disappeared.
Most Notable Use: Doubles as a shield and a powerful projectile.

3. Shadow Blade (Megaman 3)
Okay, this weapon may be a watered-down version of another popular weapon, but this is still the dominant power-up in Megaman 3. It fires in five directions and wastes almost no energy. The projectile is big and powerfuly, but its real benefit comes from its boomerang ability. The blade comes out, and then it comes right back if it doesn't hit anything. This is very helpful (and strategic for advanced players) if you fire early and miss an enemy. The blade gives you break and will kill the enemy on the return trip.
Most Notable Use: anywhere you need a certain degree of control with your shots

2. Elec Thunder (Megaman 1)
The quintessential bad-ass weapon of Megaman 1. It is extremely powerful and covers a good portion of the screen. There's not much else to say about it that players don't already know. Its just strong as hell and shoots in three different directions at once. The only other thing I will touch on is the Yellow Devil glich for those who don't already know. When you get to the Yellow Devil in Wily's castle, swith to Elec Thunder and fire at his eye. After that, continue to pause and un-pause and watch the electric raping unfold.
Most Notable Use: clear out a crowded room, Yellow Devil

1. Metal Blade (Megaman 2)
Like anyone who has ever played more than one Megaman didn't see this coming. This weapon is just so ridiculous. Its stronger than your Mega Buster, it fires in all eight directions and it wastes a microscopic amount of energy when you fire it. You have to actively try and waste all of Metal Blade and even then its damn frustrating (ok yea I tried, I just wanted to see if I could). Even with all of those benefits, there's more: THREE Robot Masters have a significant weakness to Metal Blade...Including Metal Man himself! That is hilarious. Basically I'm telling most of you things you already know so I'll sum it up and end this countdown. When you get Metal Blade (which is your first mission in the game), you switch to Metal Blade and really don't have to use your Mega Buster for the remainder of the game. Its that bad-ass
Most Notable Use: Megaman 2

Well that's it. Next I will be posting a small blog on some of the weapons that didn't make this list and why. Look foward to the next Top 10 List that will be posted tomorrow.

Megaman Week!!!

So, I have been extremely busy with several opportunities and unfortunately Metal Gear week was cut short and will be re-visited later. While I may be stressed out due to other things this week, I will put the best effort I can into giving Megaman his due. The Megaman series is my favorite classic series and no one can deny its popularity. The fact that we have seen two new releases in the 8-bit style is testament enough that the die-hard and new fans alike will appreciate the addictive gameplay, endless visual and audio entertainment, and challenge that only a Megaman game can provide. Having said that, welcome to Megaman week and enjoy the first list that will be up later tonight or tomorrow morning.

Small Update

Alright, I'm still trying to feel out this whole "regular gamer posts" thing. I have been advised not to post a new list every day, therefore I held back yesterday from posting my next Metal Gear List. I like the approach that I had planned, mainly because it allowed me to cover a series and then move on quickly to cater to not only my fleeting attention span, but also to readers who may not be avid fans of the series I am covering that week. A new post WILL be up today, and it will be based on Metal Gear again, however, I am not sure which lists will be posted and which ones will be canned. I may post the two "missing" lists when i revisit Metal Gear later. Next week I will be moving on the Megaman, as I have decided that every week should focus on something different to prevent boredom. Just because I have these extra Metal Gear lists doesn't mean I have to flood the internet with them. Having said that, look foward to the next Metal Gear list later today, and a final wrap-up for the series on Friday or Saturday.

Metal Gear: Top 10 Entertaining Boss Fights

Well, I have finally returned from a much-needed vacation and I am excited that I can finally post my first list. I decided to begin with the Metal Gear series for two reasons. 1) The Metal Gear games are undoubtedly my favorite series and 2) I feel that my experience with these games will allow me become familiar with these posts and make future series easier to tackle. So, let's not wait any longer and get to the list!

If you are reading this, I assume you have heard of the Metal Gear games and have some knowledge of the characters and scenes below. The Metal Gear series is full of visually stunning and creatively challenging boss fights. While the list below is NOT demonstrating the most difficult boss fights, the level of thought put in to defeat them is a factor on where they placed in the top 10. I call this list the "most entertaining boss fights" and these happen to be the 10 best based on this criteria.
1) How visually appealing the battlefield/battlesite is.
2) The creativity of the boss/creativity of the puzzle (most bosses have a trick to beating them)
3) Overall enjoyment of the player/The adreneline factor
I will also include some bonuses at the end. These are boss fights that are worthy of recognition, but the ones who made the list were just better. Please keep in mind that these lists will not include the portable titles. As soon as I finish "Peace Walker", I will re-visit my Metal Gear section and include those games (Ac!d, Portable Ops, and Peace Walker). Finally, the following lists are judged based on the "Hard" and "Extreme" difficulty modes. Some battles lose not only a degree of challenge, but also entertainment when played on difficulty levels below "Normal"

The Top Ten Most Entertaining Boss Fights: Metal Gear Series

10. Metal Gear Ray(s) (Metal Gear Solid 2)
SPRAY AND PRAY BITCHES!!! This is the ultimate run and gun fight of the series and it deserves a spot on this list. Now I understand that many people feel that this fight is visually bland, but isn't that the idea at this point in the game? You are not supposed to know what is real and what is not at this point. Is that just fog from the Hudson River while you are battling on top of Arsenal Gear, or have you been immersed in virtual reality the entire time? Storyline aside, this battle is entertaining as hell. After we had faced Metal Gear Rex in MGS1, everyone wondered what the next incarnation of the Metal Gear weapon system would be. Well, if Rex was an 80's IROC Camaro with a backyard stroker motor and chipped paint, Ray was a streamlined Lamborghini ready to rock n' roll. The first appearance of Ray made fans shutter at the thought of the upcoming battle that was just hours away...HOLY FUCK!!! There's more than one of them!!! Yes, when you finally get the chance to stretch out your Stinger missles, it is not just against the prototype Ray, but against an entire unit of them. Surreal or not, here are the facts: 1) Sure they go down like they are made of fiberglass and aluminum, but for every one that you disable, another pops up in it's place to remind you that this is not a sprint...it is going to be a marathon. 2) Raiden's acrobatics finally pay off when you find yourself cartwheeling all over the goddamed place trying to evade the ridiculous spewing of ordinance from 3 Metal Gear Rays at a time. The miniscule life bar given to you becomes readily apparent upon the first time you take a solid hit from one of these behemoths. For these reasons, this fight takes the number 10 spot. A confusing game, yet more necessary to the storyline than most would realize.

9. Vamp (Metal Gear Solid 2)
Fuck Twilight, this guy is badass. While didn't find out the reason behind his supernatural gifts until MGS4, we can still look back and admit that this man is one of the coolest characters in the Metal Gear series. He takes out an entire team of Navy SEAL's and we are supposed to kill this guy? WHAT THE FUCK? I just watched him lick their blood off of his hunting knife. No thank you, I wanna go home. Well, we can't. This fight makes it to number 9 on this list because the Metal Gear Series is brilliant at building up anticipation. You KNOW you have to fight this motherfucker, and it is not going to be pretty. He's fast, he's deadly, he's charismatic, and he WANTS YOU TO TRY AND KILL HIM! The best part about this fight is the fact that you have very limited space to work with. Only a narrow walkway surrounding a pool of instant death is given to you. Vamp constantly walks the rails above you in a manner to say, " I dare you to shoot me...not like it is going to do anything". The best thing about this fight is the strategy. If you want to get on his level, you are only four shots away. Shoot out the lights and fight with only the glow of the doorway illuminating the room. Yeah, come fight me man to vampire asshole. Everyone has to die sometime and he believes he's already there, so what do you have to lose?

8. Metal Gear Rex vs. Metal Gear Ray (Metal Gear Solid 4)
HAHAHAHAHA! YES!!! Who didn't love this battle in Metal Gear Solid 4. Think about the last "Rocky" movie. Apparently Hideo Kojima wanted to see Rex and Ray fight it out, and of course he had to make you the underdog. Remember my comment earlier about the Camaro and the Lamborghini? Well this fight proves that it is not always about the car, but, the driver. You, as Solid Snake, pilot Metal Gear Rex in a showdown of doomsday weapons versus Liquid Ocelot, behind the wheel of Metal Gear Ray. This battle was just fucking fun. It really wasn't that difficult, it was just the Metal Gear version of a dream match. That is the only reason I believe it was put into the game. Snake finally got to pilot one of these beasts instead of always fighting them. Nostalgia is the only explanation for this battle, but you know what? It worked!

7. The Hind (Metal Gear Solid)
"What's a Russian gunship doing here?" Oh, Snake. Why did you even ask the question? Well, we really didn't have any reason to assume we would be fighting this formidible piece of machinary when we played Metal Gear Solid for the first time, but we would learn soon enough that this new generation of Metal Gear games would be unforgiving. Realism aside(it really only takes one Stinger missle to take out a Hind), this battle was a milestone for the Metal Gear series. Sure, Vulcan Raven hides in a tank that we have to throw a few grenades at earlier in the game, but this is the first vehicle fight that made us run for cover. Not only do we learn vital information regarding the relationship between Solid and Liquid Snake, but it is the first of many battles to come in the series where you truly feel overmatched.

6. The Shagohod (Metal Gear Solid 3)
If you do not think that this battle is fun as hell, then you have not beaten MGS3. You are Naked Snake (soon to be renamed "Big Boss") riding in a sidecar while your impromptu partner Eva is driving the motorcycle. The Shagohod is the grandfather of the Metal Gear project. It is a highly mobile, first-strike weapon and it is piloted by a fanatical sociopath. What more could you ask for? You are vulnerable and depending on your driver to circle around this crazy asshole while you peck away with RPG's! It is classic James Bond, as you fire away at this desperate madman's last attempt to escape with the doomsday weapon that will change the face of war. A truly unique twist on the "stop the final weapon" part of the Metal Gear series (straight outta the 60's).

5. Sniper Wolf (Metal Gear Solid)
Solid Snake is a member of FOXHOUND. This unit is trained in survival, hand-to-hand combat, various weapons systems, and most importantly for this battle: concealment and counter-sniping. Well best of luck to you dude, cause this girl is BAD! Sure, we got a sample of her skills when she used Meryl as bait to lure Snake to his capture, but later we have a chance to exact our revenge on this sexy, sniper vixen.
I really don't know if anyone had the vertigo enducing battle that I had with this little lady, but, DAMN. We're in the snow, she's dressed in white, and there's only one option: Thermal goggles. Yea, now put those on and look through the scope. Where are you? If you can answer that then you are better than I. It is incredibly easy to take that first shot, but then it becomes a game of "should I shoot at the small warm spot or not"(no sexual pun intended)? On top of that, you have to deal with your new friend Otacon's crying and bitching when you realize that she really did mean something to him. It is a long line of heartache that he has to endure throughout the series(am I really his friend after all this?). Anyway, Sniper Wolf, Snake's first shot at counter-sniping and a damn awesome battle that you kinda hate to win.

4. Laughing Octopus (Metal Gear Solid 4)
This bitch is TWISTED! Okay, the first time we see the entire team of "beauties" they run shop on an entire detachment of rebels. Later, we see this crazy girl popping out of her camo just to terrify and torture a prisoner of war before unceremoniously dispatching him in front of his comrades. Why? Just because it is all she knows! She inflicts all of the pain that she has felt and she abuses the "gifts" bestowed upon her from her nanotech boosting and her biosuit technology. Yes, all of the "beauties" are pained and unwilling participants in the game they have been thrust into. They are all tortured souls, but, this one is special. SHE IS CRAZY. This fight is amazing because it is visually incredible and terrifying. She mimics all of the surroundings(including the medical equipment) and you are confined to a small cabin with this psycho. The first of the "beauties" gets my vote on this countdown because we expect to fight this unit, but the first battle is the most adreneline inducing fuck-fest of them all.

3. The End (Metal Gear Solid 3)
Okay, I understand that if you want to fly through this game, you have to dispatch The End on the dock while he's being wheeled back into the base. That's fine. Why would you play this game without this boss battle though? Sure, the book gives you this little secret to save you time if you are going for high-end emblems, but, is there really any battle that can match this sniper duel as far as re-playability? This is the only battle in the Metal Gear series that is random EVERY time you play it. Sniper Wolf may have given us the first taste of Snake's ability to counter-snipe, but our skills as a player were put to the test against this battlefield veteran. I have personally fought this battle a dozen times and have been traquilized twice. On "extreme" difficulty I have beaten The End in as little as 45 seconds, and, it has taken me as long as an hour and a half. That is testament enough that this battle can never be taken for granted. It will always be different, EVERY time you play it, therefore it will forever be entertaining. As engaging as the story is in Metal Gear Solid 3, this is the battle that brings gamers together. Metal Gear games are very personal to their fans, yet, this is the battle that strangers can sit down and drink a beer over. As deep as that game was, our common ground is the boss battle with The End. Everyone enjoyed the frustration, the strategy, and the dedication it took to put an end to The End.

2. Liquid Ocelot (Metal Gear Solid 4)
Every Metal Gear game culminates with a one-on-one battle to settle the score and maintain the balance of badassness. Metal Gear Solid 4 was the supposed to be the final installation of the main story, therefore it needed the ultimate man-to-man showdown to finally prove the victor. The visuals are right out of a movie, even down to the action being taken to an on-screen command system at certain points. The life bars cycle through all of the "solid" series graphics and the music montage takes us through all of the games we have played leading up to this point. Yes, any one of the one-on-one battes could have made this list, but why have a list of just final battles? This is the single struggle that we all craved: MAN-TO-MAN TO DETERMINE THE FUTURE. Liquid Ocelot, I hate you so much, but this battle deserves to be here.

1. Psycho Mantis (Metal Gear Solid)
Alright, Alright, ALRIGHT, I GET IT!!! Yes, this battle has probably reached cult status more than anything, but, really let's not judge. If you played it again for the first time you know you would be laughing you're ass off. It is hilarious! The breaking of the 4th wall not once, not twice, but THREE times in this battle. Yes he moved our controller with his mind(if you had a dualshock controller), he read our minds (if we had saved data from other Konami games), AND we had to switch to controller port two if we wanted to hit the asshole at all. This fight was so creative and at the same time very tense if you didn't know what was going on. It may be cliche' at this point, but the Psycho Mantis battle set the stage for EVERY boss battle that we would see throughout the rest of the series. For that reason alone it deserves the number one spot as the the Most Entertaining Boss Battle in the Metal Gear Series.

Bonuses:
Big Boss (Metal Gear 2)
This fight didn't make the countdown only because most people will argue that it is graphically inferior to all of the other entries. I personally believe that it is one of the most entertaining battles in the series. You have no weapon and you are faced with Big boss and his assault rifle. After his pre-fight speech (which unveils many story elements that come to fruition later in the series), he proceeds to chase you around the battle arena while you frantically search for an improvised weapon. This is where it really gets interesting. After collecting all of the key cards and finding the only items that you can macguyver into a weapon, we can countdown the real entertainment value of this fight: 1)you have no weapon until you fashion one out of items found. 2)Big Boss is fast, but you have cover and rooms to hide in. 3) The Payoff: Zippo Lighter: $15
WD-40: $7
Telling your backstabbing former boss off at the business end of an
improvised flamethrower: Priceless

The Sorrow (Metal Gear Solid 3)
Okay, this one didn't make it only because there is no real "fight" with this boss. Still, how badass was this scene? It was incredible. If you were playing through for the first time and you were a genocidle maniac, then you suffered for it. If you were going for stealth the entire time, then you got away relatively easy. Nonetheless, you were going to hear what The Sorrow had to say and suffer the cries of those you had mercilessly slaughtered on your path to beating this game. This part of the game gave players a glimpse of the cost of war that many take for granted when they take lives with the push of a button. For that reason I believe it needs to be mentioned, but it just can't be added to this list because it is not a true boss battle.